"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

First I want to say, thanks for reading the blog, friends.  Sorry to leave you hanging so much recently, but so much has happened in the past month and a half, there is no way I could tell the whole story well in a short blog.

At Dodi- a "Fried Chicken" Restaurant- with our new friends

Back to Monday evening…

We were sitting in the restaurant chatting with our friends, praying silently, picking at our “fried chicken” when Woudneh told us it was time to go meet Addie’s birthmom.  Billy and I left with him and headed off for the introduction.  We arrived and welcomed a tiny little woman into the van with us.  I write woman, but I really want to say child.  She was a mere 17 years old and was only about as tall as my shoulder.  She looked completely bewildered and scared.  She climbed in and sat behind me and just fell to pieces.  I have never in my life witnessed such genuine emotional distress and hurt.  I reached around my van seat and held her, kissing her head, crying with her, begging the Lord for peace and comfort for her.  Suddenly my own anguish of the day seemed completely miniscule in light of the pain this girl was experiencing.  She spoke not a word of English, and Woudneh graciously translated bits and pieces of what she said, but hurt doesn’t need words to be communicated.  She was completely heart-broken at having left her sweet baby, but knew that she was totally unable to provide or care for her.  Her intense, selfless love for her child was overwhelming.  I pray that some day I may be able to love others around me with such a love like she gave.

I really wanted to tell her not to worry, that she was a child too and I had a room in my home and heart for her as well.  Unfortunately, we live in a broken, messed up world, and that is not possible.  To even suggest something like that could shut down not only our adoption, but all adoptions in Ethiopia.  There was nothing I could or can do but put this girl in the hands of our Father and plead with Him to protect her and keep her.

She shared with Woudneh more of her story, more of Addie’s story.  He told her that we had been chosen to adopt Addie, and she confessed that she had no idea what adoption was.  She then told Woudneh she knew who the birthfather was.  Woudneh’s face showed that this was not the news he was expecting.  She knew who he was, but had no idea of where he was.  Now, the father had to be found, deemed unable to care for Addie, and had to give his consent for the adoption to proceed.  She told us that he was a bad man and that she didn’t want us to find him- it was of course, not up to her, though.  Legally he had to be found.  Woudneh looked at us and said, “Mihret (Addie) may not be adoptable, but don’t worry- we will get you another referral.”

I gripped Billy’s arm so hard I’m surprised it didn’t break.  My heart was crumbling to a million pieces, and the tears were flowing, but I knew that this moment was not about me.  Woudneh reminded us that we had to pray that the Lord would do what was best in the interest of the child.  He also reminded us that the Lord is good and will do what is good.  I know from reading scripture and from my own life experience that what we have in mind as “good” is not always what is good in the mind of God.  I also know, without doubt, that His ways are always better than my own, and that ultimately His name and glory being made known is what’s of utmost importance.

We left the mother and went and picked up the rest of our group at the fried chicken restaurant.  No one spoke when they got in the car.  I sat weeping in Billy’s arms.  Finally Billy broke the silence and told our friends what we knew- Addie may or may not be adoptable.  It was all dependent on Addie’s mother going to court and giving her consent, and upon her father being found, being deemed unable to care for her, and going to court to give his consent.  Realistically, things seemed pretty grim, and I basically felt as if I was losing a child.  I was grieving what was appearing to be our loss and the loss that I had witnessed in the eyes of a young girl.  I was aching for a world where mothers frequently have to give up their children because they can’t afford to feed them, clothe them, shelter them- where they can’t afford or even find medical care to keep themselves healthy enough to care for their children.  I asked the Lord to have mercy on us.  We have royally messed up His world, and all too often, we turn a blind eye to the hurt that is constantly happening not only in Ethiopia, but all over the earth.

We returned to the guesthouse and our friends gathered around us, and together, we just absolutely poured our hearts to the Lord.  I remember Brad claiming Romans 8:28 -“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.”  I had already repeated this verse to myself many times that evening and was becoming more and more thankful for the Word of God and the way the Holy Spirit calls it to our minds in times of trouble. 

I remember personally praying first for this young lady whose face was now forever etched in my memory.  I asked the Lord for comfort and peace once more for her, and begged him to reveal Himself to her that she might be saved and find hope in Him. 

I then prayed for my sweet girl.  I remember calling out to the Lord- reminding Him (not that He needed to be reminded, but I did) that her name meant mercy, and implored Him to have mercy on her life- however that may look, even if it wasn’t what I had in mind.  I remember praying, “Lord we want desperately to call Addie our daughter, and yet, not our will but yours.” 

I remember Billy praying Job ,”The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away, but blessed be the name of the Lord.”  (Job 1:21) I will never forget his prayer that, “Lord, we trust you.” 

As I walked up the stairs to our room the Holy Spirit called to my mind that scripture He had encouraged me to memorize shortly before we left- James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, whenever you meet trials of various kinds because you know that the testing of your face produces steadfastness.”  I said to the Lord, rather angrily, “I don’t feel so joyful, God!”  His still small voice reminded me that “Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”  (Psalm 30:5)  Did that mean that everything was guaranteed to work out the way I hoped?  Nope.  It meant that there was hope and joy and peace and love in Him regardless.  I prayed, “Lord, if nothing else comes of this, please strengthen my faith in you.”

My sister later shared with me that that very day she happened to read her daily scripture reading out of a different translation than usual- the New Living Translation.  Her verse that day was translated differently in the NLT than any other version- it was the only one that included “Ethiopia.” –

Psalm 68:31

"Let Egypt come with gifts of precious metals; let Ethiopia bow in submission to God."

She was praying with so many others for us, for Addie, and for her birthmother.  Russell Moore, who has over 25,000 twitter followers, sent out a tweet asking for prayer on our behalf.  Another friend posted on a group of adoptive moms our need for prayer.  Angie and Kris and other friends of ours told their friends on Facebook and people all over the world commented that they were praying.  Even my six-year-old niece, who was home, sick, from school, turned off the television and prayed for us as soon as she heard the news.  It was completely overwhelming and humbling, and amazing to know that our God hears the prayers of His people.

We had so many thoughts, fears, and emotions swirling.  Perhaps one of the thoughts that most hurt was the idea of having to come back to the States and tell our dear Payton that Addie was not going to be her sister.  It was more than I could bear to think of her little heart breaking.  We laid down that night weeping- but also trusting-  trusting that although we did not understand or know what would come, God is sovereign and He is always good.