The last time we were here was the last week of December, 2012. It was on that trip we received the news that our Addie would not be coming home. This is the place our family was shattered. This is the place grief washed over us in a way we had never before experienced.
We left Kiawah a few days after New Year's 2013, and drove home, mostly in silence. There was nothing to say. Our thoughts sat upon the idea that we were headed home to that pink room filled with clothes and toys and gifts for our girl. We were headed home to face reality of a life completely different from that which we had been picturing both for us and for this sweet child whom we adored.
I do remember one very short conversation on that dreadful trip home- We passed a town called Elloree, South Carolina, and I mentioned that "Elloree" would be a pretty name for a little girl. It did NOT occur to me that it would be a pretty name for OUR little girl. My heart could not go there yet.
We grieved deeply. We had no idea how to pick up the pieces of our hearts.
BUT, on January 18, 2013, we began to see The Lord make beauty from ashes. Billy and I discussed how we had been praying The Lord would graciously open our hearts to another child when the time came, imagining that that would be months and months down the road. Well, we imagined wrong. Our phone rang that afternoon, and we saw this face for the first time. We were instantly in love.
Almost six months later, on July 4, 2013, we stepped off a plane in Louisville, KY, with our Elloree Claire Yetnayet Baker and introduced her to her big sister.
In the words of our five year old,
"A year ago today, our family was PUT TOGETHER."
We didn't come together, we didn't meet up, we weren't an accident- the Lord did indeed PUT our family together. And we are forever thankful. We celebrate this day in Kiawah. In this place where we were shattered, we are now recognizing and celebrating the artful hand of our Father putting us together.
As I stepped out onto the beach our first day here, I was a bit overcome with emotion while I looked down at my ever-growing, baby Cole-filled belly and pushed Ellie Claire's stroller out onto the sand. We are so blessed. The Father is so good. These three children with whom He has entrusted us do not replace Addie or make up for her loss.... For one thing, Addie is still, as far as we know, very much alive, and we still love her intensely and pray for her daily. She is not legally ours, but is most definitely His, and we find hope and peace in that... These three- Payton, Ellie, and Cole- do, however, remind us of His sovereignty, goodness, faithfulness, and redeeming power. Morning has slowly and surely broken in our hearts, and we see His steady hand in each day of our lives.
We have had a wonderful year, full of beautiful memories with our sweet daughters, and it has been nothing short of amazing to watch Ellie grow and change. When she first came home at nine months old, she would fight being held in our arms at bedtime. She would occasionally smile, but I would not have ever called her an overly happy baby. She was terrified of my dad and most other men. She couldn't eat without gagging and vommitting. She could not even sit up. NOW, she will cuddle down and snuggle in as close as she can get with Billy and me. She will smother us with kisses and repeatedly remind us "Wuv," (trans. "I love you.") She will smile and laugh and play and has a fantastic sense of humor. She trusts us, and knows us as "Daddeeeee," "Mumum," and "Sis-sis." She has even grown to love her Grandaddy and will follow him around everywhere. (She's still sometimes afraid of men she doesn't know, but maybe that's not such a bad thing...). She eats Cheez-it's and basically anything else we put in front of her like she's a bottomless pit, and I'm pretty sure our baby who couldn't sit up is going to be an Olympic runner after watching her on the beach this week.
We have rough days, like most adoptive families... ok, all families. Life is not perfect. Ellie isn't perfect, and her mommy and daddy certainly aren't perfect. But, we are blessed beyond measure and life is pretty fantastic as we celebrate our "Gotcha Day," or "Family Day," as we're going to call it.... But then again, "Put Together Day" has a nice ring to it, too, doesn't it?
To God be the glory for this day of celebration! Happy Fourth of July, Y'all!
