I mentioned in my last blog that the Lord has truly used this adoption journey as a learning experience for Billy and myself. But, to get to what we’ve learned recently, we need to back up to just over three years ago when I was pregnant with Payton.
Early during my pregnancy I was reading Stormie Omartian’s The Power of a Praying Parent, given to me by my mom, who had read it earlier in my life and had definitely learned the necessity of praying for your children. In Chapter 1, Omartian states, “I had countless agonizing concerns for my son’s social, spiritual, emotional, and mental growth, but most compelling of all, I feared that something bad might happen to him. Kidnapping, drowning, disfiguring accidents, irreparable injuries, diseases, sexual molestation, abuse, rape, or death all played across my mind as possibilities for his future.” Now, I struggle with anxiety sometimes, but I can honestly say that until this point, these thoughts that Omartian shared had never crossed my mind. That one statement was all it took, though. I was already in love my precious child, and the thought that something bad could happen to her terrified me. Omartian wrote that she learned to “identify every concern, fear, worry, or possible scenario that came to [her] mind as a prompting by the Holy Spirit to pray for that particular thing. “ Then she encouraged the reader to begin making a list of concerns and start praying over them. Well, I was pregnant and hormonal and now a worried mess. The intention of her book is obviously the opposite- to tune you into the Father’s heart for your child and help you learn to pray for His will for her. Unfortunately, I was such a basket-case that I stopped reading (yes, I realize now, a mistake).
A few days later, I was on my way to Ballard High School, where I currently worked, and I was listening to Steven Curtis Chapman. I was exuberantly singing along, when I became overwhelmed to the point of tears by the lyrics of “It’s All Yours:”
I walk the streets of London,
I notice in the faces passing by,
Something that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry,
Where is the hope of London?
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I’m reminded,
That every street in London is Yours.
The chorus reminds us that everything is God’s, “from the stars in the sky, to the depths of the ocean floor.” The Holy Spirit informed me right then and there that I had no business worrying about my baby. She wasn’t mine to worry about. She was God’s. I was simply being entrusted with her for a time. Would concerns and worries come occasionally? Yes, only now, I would remember that she belonged to the Father to whom I was lifting her up in prayer.
I memorized Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” When worries came, I gave them to God, just like Omartian had urged. The Holy Spirit used this verse in particular when I was rushed into an emergency C-section after 18 hours of labor. I was scared, and began repeating this verse out loud over and over- pretty sure the nurses thought I was crazy. The Lord’s peace took over and I was once again reminded that this sweet baby was His. He was in control.
So, here we are, three years later waiting on another baby. A few months ago I was starting to get really impatient and ready for answers. When? How old? Boy or girl? Will he or she be relatively healthy or we will have a long road when we come home? I was driving along and a familiar tune started on the radio- a song that had become one of Payton’s favorites, by the way- “It’s All Yours.” I almost had to pull off the road when the second verse began to play-
I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
They’re waiting for a cure no one can find
And I hear children’s voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I’m reminded
THAT EVERY CHILD IN AFRICA IS YOURS.
Wow. Ok, God, this baby is yours, too. Seems like I should have known that, right?
This morning I checked Facebook and saw that some friends of ours, who are heading to Ethiopia next week for their first court date, asked if anyone would be willing to give donations of clothes, toys, diapers, and such for the babies in the orphanage. One of those babies in the orphanage could be my baby- my son or daughter. The thought makes me insanely happy that I have another child and intensely sad that he or she is not here with me now. I sat in the bathtub crying, begging God to speed this process up a bit, when the Holy Spirit came charging in again- “I have a plan for each day of your child’s life- those in an Ethiopian orphanage and those in your arms. Remember that child is mine first. There is no way you can love him more than I do. Trust me with his life.”
As I was flipping through Power of a Praying Parent to get quotes for this blog, I came across the following: “We need to pray for the future, and we need to pray against the effects of past events. When Kind David was depressed over what had happened in his life and fearful about future consequences (Psalm 143), he didn’t just say, ‘Oh, well, whatever will be will be.’ He cried out to God about the past, present, and future of his life. He prayed about everything. And that is exactly what we must do as well.” New concerns and worries will surface, and some old will return, but the Lord has taught me to pray and to trust that everything is His- including, and maybe even especially, my two children.
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