Two years ago today, I woke up with a pounding headache that a few hours of sleep didn’t relieve. I went down to the common room of the guest house where we were staying in Addis Ababa and soon had my girl, Addie, in my arms. I wept upon greeting her. This day was the day we were leaving Ethiopia. The night before we had unexpectedly met her birthmother and were unsure at this moment whether or not Addie was adoptable. The morning crept by with my heart clinging to this child that had me completely head over heals in love. It crept by, and yet went by so quickly I felt like I blinked my eyes and my time with her was over.
We loaded up the van and headed to the court in hopes that her birthmother would show up. We had no idea what would happen either way, though. When we arrived, she was there with her three year-old daughter. We spent the next couple hours waiting to see the judge, entertaining this bundle of energy, and wiping the tears of a teenage mother who was alone and scared.
The next thing I knew, she was being called before the judge, and then just like that, we received the news that Addie’s birth father didn’t have to be found, she wanted us to adopt her child. We were filled with happiness and excitement that Addie would be ours, and filled with grief and sadness for this young girl whose heart was breaking in anguish.
This was not how this was supposed to go for us. When we received Addie’s referral, she was labeled “abandoned.” I could distance myself from all that word meant for some other woman, and rejoice in my baby girl. But now… now everything had changed. I had witnessed up close and personal the tragedy with which an adoption begins. I saw heartache and pain. I saw injustice and despair. And I hated it.
..................................................................................................................................................
The Oxford Dictionary defines “remember” as being able “to bring to one’s mind an awareness of (someone or something that one has seen, known, or experienced in the past.)” I remember Addie each day. I pray for her and her birthmother and birthfather and sister. I miss her frequently and still cry for her from time to time. There are things that bring her to mind like meeting another child with her name, coming across a toy we bought specifically for her, seeing her picture. But, there are a few days a year when I intentionally remember our girl.
You might be wondering why anyone would purposefully want to “bring to one’s mind an awareness of” something so painful. Here’s my reasons why…
First of all, I loved her then, and I love her now. The thought of becoming so far removed from her world and from the time I last held her frightens me, because I never want to love her less. I never want to forget her delightful smile and laugh. I never want to forget the feeling of her tiny body cradled in my arms.
Secondly, I remember because she changed me. Her birthmother changed me. Having met them and held them, my world was flipped upside down and inside out. There are people out there with real, intense hurt and sorrow. There are people who live in a world that is nothing but unfair and cruel to them. I can’t pretend anymore that they don’t exist- because I’ve met them and I love them. I can’t look at my Ellie and be oblivious to tragedy with which her life began. I can’t celebrate her birthday without shedding tears for a young woman on the other side of the world who probably misses her child and wonders about her even more so than I do my Addie. I can’t open up the World Vision or Compassion International websites and just passively look at the faces of children in need. Those children are my Addie. Their difficult lives are her life. She changed the way I see others, and I don’t ever want to go back. If remembering my Addie causes me sorrow and grief, then so be it, because it also makes me remember that it’s not all about me. It’s about Him and the people he created and loved and whom He sees hurting…
Bringing me to the last reason I remember- I remember because I was created in His image, and He remembers. Psalm 115:12 says, “The Lord remembers us and will bless us.” He remembers all of His promises and He never forgets His children. He is constantly aware of us. I will remember Addie because He remembers Addie and He remembers me. He knows her every move and thought and will never become distracted by things of this world. I pray that I never become so distracted that I forget Addie and the millions of children like her around our country and the world. I don’t ever want to be so comfortable in my comfort that I am also comfortable with the discomfort of others. So, I remember my Addie.
..................................................................................................................................................
One of our favorite ministries is called Eyes that See. They serve women in Ethiopia who have been rescued from the sex industry, and help them develop life and job skills, self worth, and most importantly help them meet the One who can rescue them for eternity. They also help children whose families cannot afford to feed them and send them to school. Billy and I are privileged to sponsor some little girls through Eyes that See, and several months ago, an opportunity arose for us to sponsor a young mother who is learning to take care of and provide for herself and her baby girl. We didn’t have to question even for a moment whether we were supposed to step up for Eyerusalem. When I see pictures of her and her precious daughter, I see Addie with her mother. You can read her amazing story and how God has changed her life here- (after you've finished reading my blog, of course :) ) http://www.eyesthatsee.org/promotion/eyerusalem-and-yididay/
This morning, I opened my email to news that just recently, Eyerusalem was baptized. On this day when I was remembering my Addie and experiencing the grief of losing her again, I was reminded of God’s promise to use all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Eyerusalem is proof that He has remembered that promise. It doesn’t take away the pain, but there is such redemption in knowing that because He changed my heart through Addie and her birth mom, two more lives are being changed. I don’t tell you this to say that Billy and I are awesome people because we help one mother- first of all, there is soooooo very much more we could do… but secondly, and more importantly, we are completely incapable of doing anything good without Him- without His enabling us physically and motivating us spiritually. I tell you about Eyerusalem because her redemption story is a part of our redemption story. The beauty brought from her ashes adds beauty to our ashes as well.
I also tell you about Eyerusalem, because part of me truly hopes that you remember Addie as well- that Addie changed you, too. November is Month of Change for Eyes that See. This is a super easy way to support this ministry. Decorate a jar (or something with a lid) and any time in the next month you come across spare change, toss it in. Then, at the end of the month, hand the change over to Eyes that See. This is a great way to get little ones involved in the care and support of others. You can learn more about Month of Change in the upcoming days at eyesthatsee.org.
..................................................................................................................................................
I miss my girl. I constantly wonder what she looks like now and if she’s still so full of life and joy. I think about her mother and so wish that I could help her. I have to trust that the Lord is more than capable of caring for her without me, and give thanks for those to whom He does allow me to be His hands and feet. Two years since I last kissed Addie’s cheeks and it seems like an eternity, but I know the One who holds eternity. I know that One that created those cheeks. I know Him, and I know He will never forget me and never forget her. He always remembers.
