So, tonight, as I was posting a sneak peak of Addie's Christmas Store, I came across a partial blog I wrote a little over a year ago. Here are my thoughts from October of 2014. I never finished it that night, because honestly, I was a weepy pregnant woman who just couldn't handle the processing of all the intense feelings...
"October is a month of big emotions for our family- and I'm pregnant, so let's face it, it has potential to be a month of epic, gargantuan emotions. You see, today is Ellie Claire's second birthday. It's a day to celebrate this precious gift and thank the Lord for her life. It's a day to look back over the second year of her life and marvel at how she has grown and changed. She is practically a different child than the one with whom we celebrated last year. She is so full of life and personality, and with the exception of an occasional bashful episode, she absolutely loves people. She laughs constantly, and gives more hugs than Santa Claus. Her birthday reminds me to rejoice over the amazing little person she has become and is becoming.
Her birthday also holds a bit of sadness for this adoptive mama. When I celebrate Payton's birthday each year, I am taken back to the day she was born. I remember snuggling and nursing that tiny baby and staring at her in awe, wondering who she would be. I remember how small she felt in my arms and how I was slightly terrified at being responsible for this itty bitty person. I don't have memories of this day two years ago, though. I was not there when my Ellie was born. I was not the first to give her kisses and feed her and love her. I don't remember her first moments in this world. And while this makes me sad, I am abundantly thankful that I have moments to spend with her for the rest of her life. I am more grieved for the one who was there to give kisses and feed and love her. Last night as I prayed with her before bed, I prayed for her birthmother as I always do, but on this night I was particularly struck by the tragedy that played out at the beginning of Ellie's life- tragedy, because a mother and child were about to lose one another- victory because in a country where abortions are becoming more rampant by the day, her birthmother chose life. I imagine that her birthmother thinks about her every day, and that when October rolls around on the calendar her heart most likely aches for the little one she carried in her womb. I wish she could see what a beautiful child Ellie is. I wish she could know how happy and full of life and smart her daughter is. I wish she could know that Ellie is loved beyond measure and now is also the daughter of a mommy and daddy who would go to the moon and back for her. I pray daily that she has the hope of salvation through Jesus Christ so that one day she and Ellie can meet and embrace again before our Father.
Maybe part of the reason I hurt for Ell's birth mom so intensely is because October is a month when I, too, particularly ache for a special little girl- a girl named Addie. It was this month two years ago when we met and when I last kissed her precious cheeks. It was this month when I promised her I would be back for her. I, as you know, never made it back for her, so I also wonder daily about my girl."
Y'all, these daughters of mine- Ellie and Addie. Their birth moms. Our Savior, Jesus Christ. These are the answers when you ask us "why this?" He has mightily used the lives of these precious two daughters and their birth moms to drive us to host Addie's Christmas Shop. They are the heartbeat that pushes us to do more. We are adoptive parents who are 100% pro-adoption. We are also 100% pro-orphan-prevention. Here is your chance to join us in helping mommas raise their babies... Your chance to ensure that poverty doesn't create orphans and your chance to help create a different story for vulnerable men, women, and children. Come hang out with us and do some (or all) of your Christmas Shopping on November 21!
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